Had a couple of short conversations on the dreaded love subject today. I don't like always talking about this because it just a broken record. Another conversation from a girl talking about love and just like my pet peeves, I hate being typical and love discussion on "when is it gonna happen for me" talk is just too typical. But it's been on my heart and mind, and I can't escape that...
So, I blog... Wanna read about it? Here it go! =)
Conversation with my cousin today:
Cousin: So what's up with your love life?
Me: umm just eh
Cousin: what's 'eh' supposed to mean?
Me: just eh.
Why is it that people, well women, get so caught up in love? Beyond our heavenly father making "love" a necessity in our hearts and minds but why is it always such a huge deal?
1 reason, most women feel the need to be loved period or validated by another person. Some just want to be taken care of financially, and some just need to wants to have someone to have their back through anything.
But why love? Why do we worry so much bout this shit? No matter what story or plan I write out for myself, love always finds it's way to jump in! It's sucks truly and if I could stay off that rollercoaster for a while I'd be a happy camper!
But it's not in my nature nor is it healthy. I'd hate everyone and be evil or something lol.
I'm sure there's a lot of other reasons why people need love... But my reason; to have someone to have my back and me have theirs... oh and love and live like Akeem & Lisa from Coming to America or Princess Tiana and The Frog Prince or even Zack & Miri minus the porno hahahaha
I will be 28 in less than a month and I can honestly say I've never TRULY been in love. "I have yet to experience what the outside world has to offer!" (I need to stop watching Coming to America lol)
Have I ever loved? Sure. I've given myself mentally & physically so much that I've been taken mentally to places I never thought I could ever come back from and it's a hard tough road to get back on and be ok.
Conversation with my coworker:
Coworker: I cant wait to see you pregnant!
Me: Hahaha I've been thinking about it but thats why its so important for me to travel and get my life right cause i want to start a family... Eventually
Me: crazy thing is, there's no one in my past who I could actually see having kids with or marrying! Like none! I feel like I lucked up! Hahaha
For majority of last year, I dated someone I truly thought I loved and when I knew it wasn't working (no matter how much I tried to ignore a lot of things that wasn't fair to me) I had to walk away. It took a lot of self evaluation, self realization and self love to know I should be treated way better than that. The most important lesson was to forgive him and know that he has his own demons to deal with.
It's a beautiful thing to realize that you love yourself no matter how much you weigh or look like or what you do in life. I'm a truly blessed person who will be the epitome of incredible lol. Not trying to be narcissistic, just expressing how I feel because I never really gave myself a chance.
Now, I just know if I keep my heart & mind open, it will come. I have a crush though. It's important for me to keep that kind of love in my heart even if it's all a facade. Even if he never knows he's the one, I'll appreciate him for forever. His passion, his ability to accept people for who they are and his general coolness I love and appreciate forever.
But love? Im confident to know that it will happen eventually. Sure just like any human being and especially being a woman- you want that in-home hair stroker (for me at least lol) snuggle buddy, that other half that loves you beyond measure and will have your back completely without question...
I'll just hug my pillow tighter until then... Or learns the drums or something =)
Until then, stay tuned...
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